I haven’t been feeling like myself for the past few days. Something feels wrong, but I just can’t seem to tell what it is. I’ve been feeling sick lately. Im nauseous all the time and my stomach has been getting weak. I even threw up like three times. Maybe I have food poisoning? Who knows.
“Rahela, sweetheart I think you need to go to the doctor. You haven’t been looking too well.” my mom says.
“Oh well that’s nice..”
“You know what I mean Rahela. You look sick. Schedule an appointment with Dr. Carmen. It’s been a year that you haven’t been to the doctor anyway.”
“Okaaaayyyy. I probably just have the flu or something. I’m fine.”
I call my doctor and schedule an appointment for next Thursday. I hate going to the doctor.
My phone starts ringing and it’s my friend Mandy.
“Rahelaaaa, I can’t go out tonight. I have the worst cramps. I just got my monthly gift.”
That’s when it hits me. Monthly gift. I’m three weeks late on my period. This can’t be. I hang up in Mandy’s face and run to the bathroom and throw up. No. I’m just over thinking. I’m not pregnant. Shit. I do the calculations in my head, and I realize I’m way too late on my period. How could I have forgotten? Oh yeah, because of Liam. He’s such a damn distraction. I grab my car keys and tell my mom I’m going to go to Mandy’s house. I’m not really going there, I’m going to Walgreens. I’m going to find out for sure if I’m pregnant. As I’m paying for the pregnancy test, the cashier lady looks at me and at the pregnancy test. “it’s for a friend.” I say right away.
I quickly grab the bag and leave the store.
I can’t look at the test yet. It’s been twenty minutes, but I just can’t. I already know the answer.
The test read positive. I was pregnant with Liam Payne’s baby. All these thoughts started hitting me. What if Liam would leave me? What if he doesn’t want to be a part of our child’s life? What are my parents going to do? I was hyperventilating. I’m only eighteen for crying out loud. Just as I was about to go for a walk and think things through, I got a text from Liam.
2:47pm My baby<3
Hey baby, we’re still on for the dinner & movie tonight right? Can’t wait to see you beautiful. ;) Miss you lots..
Me: Yes babe we’re definitely still on. Miss you more.. <3
My hands started shaking. Gosh this boy is so damn adorable! Knowing i was carrying his baby gave me the biggest goosebumps. BABY. Crap I almost forgot. I cant do this. I ran too the park and heard someone calling my name.. “Rahela! Rahela!” I turn around and see Louis & Eleanor walking towards me. I tried wiping the tears away, but before I knew it Eleanor grabbed me and asked me what was wrong. The tears started coming down even harder. “Hey Louis, could you give me & Rahela a few minutes?” Sure thing babe. Hope everything’s okay Rach.
Everything okay? I thought in my head. I’m pregnant and i don’t know what the hell to do. Yeah everything’s perfect.
“Rahela, Hun what’s wrong? Did you and Liam have an argument?”
I explained everything to El & she told me to tell him during dinner tonight. “Everything will be fine doll, Liam loves you!”
Thanks for listening to me El, Louis really is a lucky guy.
“Anytime babe, if you ever need anything, I’m always here. Call me and let me know how things go tonight.” She gave me a hug and walked away.
“Wait El, can you please keep this between us and not tell Louis or anyone.”
Of course! El exclaimed.
I sat down on the bench and watched all these little kids running around the park and their parents playing with them. That’s going to be me soon, I thought in my head. That was really going to be me…
4 hours later.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed a tiny bump. I still couldn’t believe it; it still hadn’t hit me yet. I quickly straightened my hair and changed. My phone started buzzing.
6:59pm My baby<3
I’m outside beautiful. xx
Me: I’ll be right out!
Liam was always on time, another thing I adored about him.
I open the door and there Liam was with a bouquet of pink roses. He really knew how to brighten up my days. He grabs my waist & I wrap my arms around his neck. “You look so fucking beautiful babe, excuse my language.”
And you look so fucking handsome! I giggle.
The driver starts honking his horn.
I pull away from our kiss
“Babe, I think that means we have to go!” haha.
Dinner was great & we watched The Vow which was such an adorable movie. Liam was so into it, which was so cute! We walked hand in hand down the busy streets of New York City. It was time to talk to him.
“Liam, we need to talk.”
Uh ohh, what is it babe? Is everything okay?
“Not really.” the tears stream down my face.
Liam grabs me and holds me tight.
“Babe, what is it?!” he asks all worried.
“I don’t know how to tell you this Liam. I’m pregnant. Ive been late on my period for three weeks now. I took a test this morning and it was positive. I’m so, so sorry Liam.” I’m shaking and sobbing.
Liam grabs my face and looks me straight in the eye..
“This is incredible babe! Why are you apologizing? Rahela, look at me. We are in this together. Me and you babe & the little one. I love you so much. I can’t believe I’m going to be a father! Wow!” Liam exclaims.
I can’t believe what I just heard. Liam wasn’t mad, he’s happy. He’s not going to leave me. We’re in this together.
Liam pulls me and gives me a hug & peck on the lips.
“I’m so glad you’re not going to leave me Liam. What about the band and our parents? What’s going to happen now?”
We’re going to tell them. If they don’t support us then they don’t need to be a part of our life and our baby’s life.
Hearing Liam say “our baby” gave me chills.
“We need to schedule you a doctors appointment to make sure everything’s okay.”
“I already scheduled one for Thursday.”
“Thursday? The boys and I have a signing in Pennsylvania. Why did you make one without asking me?”
“Well how was I supposed to know. You don’t have to come to the doctors appointment. It’s just a check up anyways.”
“I want to go. I’m going.”
“What about the signing?” I ask worried.
“The boys will have to go without me. I’m not missing anything that goes on with you and our baby. I’m going to be with you ever step of the way.” Liam said as he kneeled in and kissed me.
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents Liam. They’re going to hate you and me.”
“Let them hate me.”
Liam and I drove back to my place. I was going through all kinds of emotions. This all felt like a dream. It was time to tell my parents that I was pregnant, and that I was keeping this baby.
“Everything will be okay,” Liam said squeezing my hand.
“I hope so..”
“I can’t believe this. You’re only eighteen for crying out loud and you’re having a baby! You have no idea how hard it is raising a child when you are a child yourself! I thought you were better than this Rahela. I’m so disappointed in you. You were supposed to be a role model to your sister and brothers.” my mom yelled.
“Rahela, we can’t have you around your siblings like this. You’re going to have to pack your bags and leave. We can’t support you and the baby.. Get your things out of this house by this weekend. You ruined our reputation. As for you Liam, get the hell out of my house right now!” my dad exclaimed.
No this can’t be happening. I was getting kicked out of my own house. My parents didn’t want me a part of their lives anymore. I was going to be all on my own, with Liam. The tears started running down my face.
“I’ll meet you outside Liam.” I said as I ran up to my room, opened my closet, grabbed my duffel bag and threw in a bunch of clothes. I opened the door and there were my brothers and little sister standing there..
“Rahela, were are you going?” my sister Andrea asks.
“I’m going to Liam’s house for a few days. Don’t worry.” I say as I Give her a hug.
“Please come back early, I’ll miss you!”
“I’ll miss you too.”
My brothers Darius and Andrei run into me and give me a hug. That’s when the tears start coming down faster.
“I love you all so much and I’ll see you guys soon. Be good!” I walk away.
I’m about to walk out the door when my mom says
I turn around and look at her. I can see the pain in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, but we have to do what we have to do. You made a wrong choice and this is the consequence.”
“I understand.” I turn around and walk out of my house.
I run into Liam’s car. Slam the door and yell “DRIVE!” I can’t take this anymore. This is all too much. My family doesn’t care about me. I’m pregnant. I start sobbing and Liam just grabs my hand and puts it in his lap. He drives for an hour until I’ve calmed down.
Thoughts of abortion start popping up in my head. Maybe if I get an abortion, my parents will want me back.
“What are you thinking of..” Liam asks.
“Liam, I don’t think I can do this. It’s all too much. I.. I just can’t.”
Liam pulls over to the side of the street.
“Babe, look at me. We are in this together. Me and you. We will make it. Have some faith.”
“When are you going to tell the boys and your parents?” I ask Liam as we’re about to walk into his condo.
“I’ll tell the boys today if that’s fine with you.. And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me when I told my parents.”
“Yeah of course I will, but I hope they won’t hate me…”
“How could anyone hate you?” Liam smiles and opens the door.
Liam’s place is so cozy and warm. It feels like a second home to me since I’m pretty much here 24/7.
“Make yourself comfortable babe.” Liam says as he takes my bag out of my hand and walks into his room.
I follow him in there and he starts unpacking my bag.
“What are you doing?” I ask confused.
“I’m unpacking your stuff. You’ll be staying with me for a very long time, so might as well put your things away and get things organized around here.”
I walk over to the bed and sit down. I feel a bit dizzy and can’t help but run into the bathroom and throw up. Liam’s hands were on my hair holding it back.
“Are you okay babe?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just Morning sickness. I’ll be like this for a few more weeks.”
Liam helps me up and that’s when we hear the doorbell ring.
“That’s probably the boys.. I should go get that.”
I hear the boys all laughing and it seems like they’re having a good time. Great. We’re going to kill the mood. I walk into the living room and there Zayn, Louis and Harry are with beer In their hands, Liam with a coke. Of course Niall is in the kitchen.
“Hey boys.” I smile and give them each a hug.
“Vas happenin’?” Zayn asks.
“Rahela and I actually have some news!” Liam gets up and walks over to me. He looks at me and puts his hand on my lower back.
“What is it?” Niall asks with food in his mouth. I can’t help but laugh.
“I’m going to be a father. Rahela’s pregnant!” He says as he pulls me in and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
The boys were so excited. They came running to Liam and I giving us hugs.
“This is great mate!” Niall exclaims.
“Congratulations!!” Harry says.
“I say it’s a girl!” Louis shouts.
“No it’s a boy!” Zayn says.
I see Liam standing there with his boys talking about the baby and making jokes and I can’t help but tear up. Another part of being pregnant is being such an emotional mess, which I hate!
The rest of the night went by great. We just hung out and played a few games of fifa and by the way, I beat Liam for the first time which was pretty awesome! Haha.
It also got my mind off of what happened earlier with my parents. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t even get a phone call or text from them asking how I was.
I changed into my pajamas and got into Liam’s bed. He was saying his goodbyes to the boys.
“Hey beautiful,” Liam says as he walks in. He takes off his shirt and pants and jumps onto the bed. I can’t help but giggle.
“Hey there handsome!”
“So I was thinking maybe we should go talk to my parents tomorrow after breakfast if that’s okay. I would rather have them hear it from me then have them see it on the front page of a magazine.”
“Oh yeah you’re right. That wouldn’t be so good. I hope your parents take the news better than my parents did. I still can’t believe they actually kicked me out. How could someone kick their own child out?”
“I hope they do as well. If they don’t take the news well, then that’s their loss. I would never kick our baby out.”
“Aww babe you’re so cute. I wouldn’t either. So what do you think.. Boy or girl?”
“I think boy!”
“Whaaattttt.. No I think we’re going to have a girl! I can’t wait to dress her up and paint her nails and..”
“Woah there. We’re going to have a boy and name him Liam James Payne the second!” Liam smiles.
“Aww I can just picture him with your eyes and cute nose.”
“If it’s a girl, I hope she looks like her mommy.” Liam says as he grabs me and pulls me on top of him.
“Mhmmmm” Liam says as our lips collide.
All the pain and stress is gone when I’m with Liam.
We fall asleep as Liam’s hands are on my stomach and my back is on his chest. I feel like it’s only Liam and I in this world. Just us two, together. Everything feels so perfect. My eyes are closing…
“Car accident. Eighteen year old. Rahela Tap.”
I see myself in a bed. Theres machines all over me. Blood is on me everywhere.
“She lost so much blood, I don’t think she’s going to make it.”
“Her baby is gone.”
All these nurses and doctors are talking. Then my parents walk into the room with Liam and they’re all crying.
“She can’t be gone. No this can’t be happening. Our baby. WHY COULDN’T YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?!” Liam is shouting and crying.
“I’m gone? I’m right here what are you talking about Liam.. I’m right here!!” I say.
He can’t hear me. Why can’t he hear me?
“Rahela wake up! Its just a dream baby, everything is okay! It’s just a dream.” Liam shakes me.
I wake up sweating and breathing hard.
“Liam, it was so bad. I was dead and so was our baby.” I say sobbing.
Liam grabs me and pulls me on his lap. My head is wresting on his shoulders. Hid hands are wrapped around my body and he starts to sing..
There was a time
I was everything and nothing all in one
When you found me
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun
And I need to tell you
How you light up every second of the day (of the day)
But in the moonlight
You just shine like a beacon on the bay
And I can’t explain
But it’s something about the way you look tonight
Takes my breath away
It’s that feeling I get about you, deep inside
And I can’t describe
But it’s something about the way you look tonight
Girl you take my breath away
The way you look tonight..
I slowly shut my eyes as I listen to the most beautiful voice sing me to sleep.
I woke up and Liam wasn’t next to me. There was a note on his side of the bed that said
“Good morning beautiful. I went to the gym. Your breakfast is ready in the kitchen. I’ll be back soon.. xx”
I showered and changed into a pair of jeans shorts and a tank. My shorts had gotten a bit tight I noticed which wasn’t good. I needed to go shopping, fast.
I tried calling Liam, but the sound
was coming from his room. Great, he didn’t take his phone with him.
His phone continued to ring so I decided to see who had been calling him. Danielle? Liam’s ex. What the hell did she want and why was she calling MY man.
Text message: Danielle
Hey Liam, I heard the big news. Congratulations!
Liam I miss you.
Liam call me babe.
What the fuck was going on and why was she calling him babe?
“Hey babe, what are you doing.” Liam said as he walked into his room.
I turned around and threw his phone at him.
“What the hell was that for?” Liam asks confused.
“Don’t act stupid with me, Liam.”
“What are you talking about? Fill me in will ya?”
“Danielle has been blowing up your phone. She called and texted you several times so I decided to open up the messages.”
“And calling you babe. & she misses you and wants you back.”
“Well I don’t know why you’re making it such a big deal. It’s not like I want her back. I only want you..”
“You don’t have to stay with me through this pregnancy. You can leave. I don’t want to ruin your career. You can go out with Danielle, she is prettier than me and at least she’s not pregnant. Just leave Liam.”
“What the hell has gotten into you. Where is all this coming from? I’m not leaving you Rahela. I love you and our baby. I don’t want Danielle. I only have eyes for you. You are the most beautiful girl I know. I’m going to stay with you forever.”
“It’s okay.” Liam says, as he pulls me into him and gives me a hug. We stand there for five minutes holding each other. I never want to let go.
The sound of Liam’s phone interrupts this perfect moment.
“It’s my mum. Crap I forgot we were supposed to meet my parents thirty minutes ago!”
“Here give me it. I’ll tell her we will be there in twenty minutes, you get in the shower!”
“Care to join me?” Liam says as he winks.
As tempting as the offer is, I push Liam away and giggle.
“Rahela, I haven’t seen you in so long sweetheart! How are you?” Liam’s mum Karen says as she hugs me.
“I’ve been great, thanks! And I know I’ve missed you Karen.”
“What about me mum?”
“Oh you know I’ve missed you too Liam.” she says as she gives him a kiss on the cheek.
“Me too mum! Where’s dad?”
“He’s at work, but he will be home any minute. Make yourself comfortable Rahela.”
“Thank you Karen.”
“So what have you been dying to tell me and your father Liam?” Karen asks.
Liam’s dad walks in, thank God.
“Hey dad. How have you been?”
“I’ve been great son. How have you been? Is that Rahela? How are you hun?”
“Hi Mr. Payne. I’m good thank you.”
“Hey dad can you sit for a second, Rahela and I have some news.”
“Uh oh..what is it?” Mr. Payne says as he sits down next to Karen.
“Rahela and I are expecting a baby..” Liam says.
“I knew it! I knew it! Ever since you told me that you and Rahela had some news, the first thing that popped up in my head was baby. I’m so happy I’m going to be a grandma!!” Karen gets up and gives me a tight hug.
“Congratulations! I’m going to be a grandpa, how exciting!” Mr. Payne smiles.
Karen starts crying and I can’t help but cry. My own mom didn’t accept me, but Liam’s did.
“Mom, look what you did you made Rahela cry!”
“Oh I’m so sorry sweetheart it’s just I’m so happy!! You’re going to be such a great mother!!”
The rest of the night went by great. We had dinner, and then Karen pulled out the baby pictures which were adorable! Liam was the cutest baby! I was so glad that Liam’s parents accepted this unlike my parents.
The car ride back to Liam’s place was very quiet.
“What are you thinking about babe?” Liam asks.
“I’m just thinking about how great your parents are. How lucky I am to have you in my life. How lucky our baby is to have such an amazing father.”
“Thank you beautiful, my parents love you! I love you. You’re the most special person I have in my life and I’m so damn happy your carrying my baby, Ella.”
“Why are you so amazing?” I ask.
“Why are you so beautiful?” Liam says as he pulls over to the side of the street.
“Liam why are you pulling over?”
Liam gets out of the car and comes to the passenger side. Opens my door. He takes my hand and pulls me out.
“Babe, what are you doing?”
“Just wait.” he says as he’s pulling me to the middle of the street.
“Liam are you trying to kill us?” I ask.
“Of course not babe.”
“Liam I’m scared..”
The paparazzi all start coming out of no where. Okay. What is going on? I’m confused and nervous.
The cars all stopped. Lights are everywhere.
Liam gets on his knee.
My hands start shaking. This can’t be happening. Pictures are being taken.
“Rahela, I’ve been wanting to do this for so long. You are the most beautiful women i know. You brought out a side of me that I never knew existed. You make me a better person. When we are not together, you are always on my mind. When I’m away from you, I just can’t wait to be back with you. I will never, ever hurt you. I will love and cherish you and our baby for as long as I live. Rahela Tap, will you marry me?”
Tears are all over my face. The words won’t come out of my mouth. I jump on Liam and kiss him like I’ve never kissed him before.
“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!” I yell.
The cameras flashing. People are honking their horns. Everyone’s clapping and yelling congratulations.
This all feels like a dream.
“You forgot something babe!” Liam says as he takes my left hand and slides this gorgeous ring on my finger.
“I love you so much future Mrs. Payne.” Liam says as he winks and pulls me in.
“I love you more babe.” I say as I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him in the middle of the street like it’s the most normal thing to do.
It’s been two months that Liam and I have been engaged. I’m now four and a half months pregnant. My stomach has gotten pretty big!
I officially moved in with Liam the day after he proposed. When I went back to my house, my parents didn’t even say one word to me. I told them how Liam and I were getting married and that I was doing great and so was the baby. Not even one word came out of their mouths which hurt me so much. My sister and brothers were even acting weird towards me. Was this really happening? I packed my things and left my house. Actually, my parents house. It wasn’t my home anymore. My family were now strangers to me.
I was spending a lot of time with Karen. She was pretty much my second mom. She was giving me tips on the baby and what to do and what not to do.
As for Liam, he was very busy with all these promos, signings and summer tour planning which was going to start in a few weeks.
I was usually home decorating the baby’s room or out shopping for the baby and of course myself since my clothes were so small. I had gained sixteen pounds already!
My phone started ringing and it was Liam.
“Hey beautiful. How are you?”
“I’m pretty good, just getting ready for the doctors appointment.”
“Oh crap, that’s today I completely forgot!”
“Its okay babe your busy I understand.”
To be honest, I really did want Liam to come.
“No babe it’s okay I’m coming. We just finished up an interview. I’ll meet you there!” Liam said as he hung up.
Liam was so supportive throughout this pregnancy. He was always there for the baby and I.
“Mrs. Tap, doctor Carmen is ready to see you.”
I walked into the room and sat down. Today I was going to do my second ultrasound and they were going to check and see if everything was fine with the baby.
“Hello Rahela, how are you?” Dr. Carmen said as she walked in.
“I’m doing great, thanks.”
“How is the baby? Any problems?”
“The baby’s good. Everything seems fine.”
“And how is Mr. Payne?”
“He’s actually on his way here now..”
I sat down on the chair and Dr. Carmen put the gel on my stomach.
Liam walked in.
“Hey sorry I’m late, traffic was crazy!” he says as he comes and gives me a kiss on the lips and shakes Dr. Carmen’s hand.
He pulls in a chair next to me and holds my hand. Everything seems so much better when Liam’s with me. He never missed one doctor appointment which was so sweet.
“I see it’s head! Look at those feet they’re so small!” Liam says smiling.
I can’t help but giggle. This boy. Haha.
“I don’t only see one baby, but two!” Dr. Carmen says.
“Two babies? Wait I’m having twins?” I ask confused.
“Looks like you are!”
“This is greaaaatttt!!!” Liam exclaims as he gives me a kiss on my forehead.
“Very surprising, but exciting!” I say.
Oh my gosh. I’m having not one baby, but two. This is too much.
“Would you guys like to know the sex of your babies?” Dr. Carmen asks.
“No we would like for it to he a surprise.” I say.
I didn’t understand how I was having twins. That’s when I remembered! When my grandma was pregnant with my mom, she had twins. My moms twin died. That gene was passed on to me.
One kid was already too much. Two? Wow. Don’t get me wrong I was so excited, but nervous as well.
After the doctors visit, Liam and I were going to Milkshake City and the boys were meeting us there.
“I can so go for an extra large chocolate milkshake with oreo crumbs.” I say.
“Woah, don’t you think that’s a little too big?”
“Hey don’t question me! I’m feeding not one person, not two people, but three!”
The boys walked in, along with Eleanor.
“Rahela, you look gorgeous! Hows the baby?” Eleanor says as she gives me a hug.
“More like babies..” Liam says as he laughs.
“Not only are we having one kid, but two. I’m pregnant with twins!” I say.
“No way?! That’s amazing news!!” The boys and El say.
We finish our milkshakes and the boys decide to go to the park and play some soccer.
Eleanor and I walk around as the boys play.
“We are honestly the luckiest girls.”
“We really are.”
As much as I adored Eleanor, I will never be able to trust her. She’s best friends with Danielle, Liam’s ex who despises me. Which by the way I don’t give two shits because I don’t like her either.
Liam left Danielle for me.
My phone started vibrating. It was my mom. Why was she calling me?
“Hello.” I answer.
“Yeah mom it’s me. How are you?”
“Rahela, Aunt Lucy passed away. She had a heart attack. Her funeral is tomorrow, just thought I’d let you know.” My mom said as she hung up in my face.
This couldn’t be true. My aunt Lucy was really gone. This news was crazy. I couldn’t take it. I ran inside my room and fell on my bed. The tears were streaming down my face. My favorite aunt had just passed away. I hadn’t seen her in months. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her. No. My phone kept constantly ringing, but I couldn’t talk to anyone. My family was falling apart, I was falling apart and I couldn’t even do anything about it.
My mom called, and hung up in my face without even hearing a reply back from me. She didn’t care about me. How was I supposed to go to the funeral tomorrow when my entire family would be there. They all hated me except my cousin Amy who was the only one who cared.
I had to go to the funeral. As much as it would hurt me, I had to. This was Aunt Lucy. My aunt Lucy.
“Ahhhhhh!!” I yelled.
I had to get everything out of my chest. I was tired of holding everything in. I wasn’t okay. I was in so much pain, but I needed more.
I got up, and walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I needed to feel physical pain.
I opened up the cabinet and took out the razor blades. My hands were shaking, but I really needed this.
I sat by the door and started cutting. The blood was dripping down my wrist, onto the floor. I started going harder. I was starting to feel a bit better.
I switched and moved onto my right wrist.
There was blood all over my shirt. I checked the time and it was almost seven. I had to get cleaned up before Liam showed up.
I wiped the blood from the floor and jumped in the shower. My wrists started burning. The blood was washing off. The scars were now showing. I couldn’t look at them. I did that to myself. I looked down at my stomach. I had two babies in their and I was hurting myself. I should be happy. I have a man who loves me and I’m about to be a mother, something I’ve always wanted to be. I wasn’t though. I was feeling depressed.
I got out of the shower and put bandages on my scars. I couldn’t let Liam see these.
I changed into a pair of yoga pants and a sweat shirt so Liam wouldn’t be able to see what I had done to myself.
I had felt a bit relieved.
“Where have you been? I’ve been calling your cell and the house phone. I was worried sick about you babe!”
Liam says as he walks inside our home.
“Sorry babe, I was on the phone with my mom and took a shower.”
“You were on the phone with your mom?” Liam asks.
“Yeah she called me to let me know that my aunt Lucy had passed away.” I say as tears begin to come down.
“I’m so sorry babe.” Liam says as he walks towards me and grabs my wrists.
“Oww, Liam let go!!” I yell.
“What’s wrong?? What did I do??” Liam asks confused.
“It’s just you were holding my wrists so hard, it hurt me..” I mumble.
Liam looked at me in a weird way.
His eyes went on the floor and I look down as well.
Crap. Blood had dripped down on the ground. It wasn’t coming from my wrists though. The blood was coming down from in between my legs.
Liam and I were on our way to the hospital. I wasn’t in any pain, but I was bleeding from my vagina which was very weird.
I was panicking. What if something happened to our babies? It’s all my fault. I’m going to be such a horrible mother. I can’t even take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of two others? I was screwed.
I started breathing hard and praying in my head. I couldn’t take anymore bad news, please.
Liam took my hand in his and kissed it.
“Everything will be alright beautiful.” He said as he rested his hand on my belly while the other one was on the steering wheel.
“My fiancés pregnant and she’s bleeding. We need help right now.” Liam spoke to a nurse.
“Give her the best possible care.”
They took me into the room right away. Liam never let go of my hand.
The doctor did a few tests and left the room. She couldn’t tell us what was wrong right away.
Liam and I sat there silently. Please have everything be okay, I repeated in my head several times.
I had lost my parents, siblings and aunt. I couldn’t lose my babies. Our babies.
Dr. Kim walked in and pulled in a chair.
“Please tell me the babies are all right.” I asked.
“The babies are perfectly fine actually.” Dr. Kim said.
It seems that you have a Placenta Previa. Everything will be alright. But we have to take you inti surgery right now.
“I’m sorry, what is that?” I asked confused.
“A Placenta Previa occurs when the Placenta lies beneath the uterus, covering the cervix. This occurs in 1 in 200 pregnancies, especially those who are carrying twins. Everything will be fine once we do the surgery.” Dr. Kim said.
The surgery took three and a half hours. I was told that I couldn’t leave the hospital for two days just in case something would happen.
I woke up with balloons and flowers all over the room.
I look to my right, and there Liam was sleeping on the chair next to me with the book Brain Rules for Baby.
I couldn’t help but smile. I put my hand on his knee and he woke up.
“Babe, your up. How are you feeling?”
“I feel good. Kinda tired, and hungry. Have you been here this whole time? What time is it?”
“It’s almost midnight and yes I have. The doctor said you can’t eat anything except soup. I’ll go get you some babe.”
“Thank you Liam. Thanks for being here for me.”
“Of course beautiful, anything for you.” He said as he kissed my forehead and walked out of the room.
I flipped threw the channels and saw that the movie A Walk to Remember was on; one of my favorite Nicholas Sparks movies.
It was at the part where Jamie was in the hospital and Landon was there with her.
It reminded me of Liam and I.
This movie got me every time. I was so emotional and I hated it.
Liam walked in with a plate of soup.
“Why are you crying? Are you in pain?” Liam asked worried.
“No haha I’m fine its just this movie.”
“A Walk to Remember, don’t worry it gets me every time too!”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
This boy always kept a smile on my face.
It’s been six weeks since the surgery. I’m now six months pregnant. I’m also twenty two pounds.. Can we say big? Yes! Haha.
I can’t even walk up the stairs without being out of breath.
Liam was leaving for the US summer tour which was going to go on for one month.
One month without seeing him.
This was going to suck.
I was helping him pack. Seven suit cases for one month only. Crazy huh?
“Babe, do you want to take this pair of converse as well?” I asked as I was going through the closet.
“Yeah, I want those!”
“And you say I have too much clothes.. Look at you!”
“Oh no babe, you have way more!”
“Help me up will ya?” I asked giving Liam my hand.
“Damn babe, your boobs and ass got so big.” Liam said as he winked.
“Oh shutup!” I said punching his arm.
“So I was thinking since we won’t be seeing each other for one whole month, we should make this night extra special.”
“And what would that be,” I said licking my lips.
Liam grabbed my waist and carried me over to the bed.
“Liam put me down!!! I’m too heavy!!!”
“You’re insecure, don’t know what for.” Liam started singing.
I was on the bed and Liam came on top of me.
“No worries sweetheart.”
The first question Liam had asked when we first found out I was pregnant was if we would be able to have sex. Typical question huh? Haha.
The doctor had told us that it was very healthy for the baby, which of course gave Liam an excuse.
I pulled Liam’s shirt off and our lips met. I wanted him so bad. Right now.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I took my shirt off and threw it on the floor. My shorts were then off. Liam grabbed my wrists and stopped what he was doing.
“What happened here?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I said as I grabbed and pulled his head down to kiss him.
“Not so fast. Answer my question Rahela. What happened here?”
I got off and moved to the side of the bed. I couldn’t look at Liam. He was angry.
Since I had left the hospital, I had cut again. Knowing I didn’t make it to my aunt Lucy’s funeral made me feel regret and the only way I could feel better was cutting.
“I had to do it Liam. I was hurt and the only thing that made me feel better was it.”
I got up and put my clothes back on.
The last night we had together and it wasn’t going the way I had planned.
“You were hurt so you decided cutting yourself would make things better?” Liam yelled.
It shook me. I had never seen Liam angry.
“Rahela, you know how dangerous that is? You not only could’ve hurt yourself but OUR kids! Why couldn’t you talk to me about it? How could you hide this from me?”
I had hurt Liam.
He walked over to me and kneeled down by the bed.
I didn’t know what to say. I had no answer. I just wanted this conversation to end.
“Are you going to say anything?”
“I don’t know what to say..”
“Bloody hell!” Liam yelled as he walked out of the room.
I walked out after him, but his car was already gone.
Everyone I loved and cared about were always leaving me, and it was all my fault…
It was 2AM and Liam still wasn’t home. He wasn’t answering his phone which was so unlikely of him. I was worried.
I kept walking back and forth. I didn’t know what to do.
I dialed Liam’s number and it kept ringing a few times and then going to voicemail.
“Hey It’s Liam, sorry I can’t get to the phone. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Bye!”
“Liam answer me damn it!” I yelled.
My phone started ringing and I answered it right away.
“Liam! Where are you?”
“I’m sorry mam, this is Officer Ryan. Liam was in a car accident. Your number kept calling him so we decided to see if that was a relative of his.”
My heart dropped. NO. This couldn’t be happening. Please God let him be okay. No. No. No. No. No. Oh my gosh.
“Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay. Please!!!” I yelled.
“I’m sorry mam we can’t tell you that. Are you related to Liam?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m his fiancé for crying out loud!!!” I shouted.
“We can’t give that information out. We can tell you that he’s at London Bridge Hospital.”
“I’ll be right there.” I hung up.
I grabbed my keys and made my way to the hospital. On my way there, that’s when everything hit me. Liam was hurt all because of me. I was sobbing in the car and the tears were everywhere. I had to pull over and wipe away the tears.
Don’t worry Rahela, Liam’s okay. He’s perfectly fine. I kept repeating those words in my head to get my mind off the terrible thoughts.
I ran into the hospital and was out of breath.
“My fiancé Liam Payne was in a car accident. Where is he? Is he okay? Please just tell me he’s okay please!!!” I begged the nurses. They walked me over to the waiting area.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart, but we don’t know anything right now and we can’t take you in there. The doctors are with Liam right now. As soon as we find something out, we will let you know.”
“Please do..” I said while I was sobbing.
It was all my fault. My baby was hurt. Why didn’t I stop him from leaving? Why did I have to fight with him.
I went to the bathroom and locked myself inside the stall. I looked through my purse and found what I was looking for. My blades.
I rose up my sleeves and started cutting. The blood was dripping inside the toilet. Before I knew it, the whole water was red.
I cleaned my cuts with some alcohol and my wrists were stinging, but it felt so good.
I walked out of the bathroom and there was paparazzi everywhere.
My picture was being taken. Everyone had found out Liam was hurt.
“Rahela, what did you do now?”
“Rahela, what happened to Liam?”
“Is Liam okay Rahela?”
I walked right passed them all and walked back inside the waiting room.
Liam’s Mum and Dad were there.
“Karen!” I ran to her and gave her a hug. We stood there for five minutes crying.
Harry, Niall, Louis and Zayn all walked in.
“IS HE OKAY?!” Niall asked running over.
“We don’t know anything yet.” I answered.
A doctor walked in.
We all froze.
“Where are the family and friends of Liam Payne,” the doctor said while looking around.
“Right here!” Harry said.
The doctor walked over to us.
“I’m sorry about what happened. Mr Payne is…”
“Mr. Payne is in a very unstable condition. He has suffered brain damage and hasn’t woken up since the accident. He might be in a coma. We will be running some more tests. Immediate family can only come in and see him.”
Brain damage. Liam could be in a coma. I couldn’t deal with this. It was all my fault.
I couldn’t lose Liam. He was my everything. He’s the only one I have. Please God let him be okay.
Karen started crying.
“My baby. This can’t be happening to my precious boy! No please doctor do something.”
“I’m sorry mam, we will do are best.” The doctor said as he walked away.
The nurse came back and said that only two members of the family could come in right now.
Liam’s mom and dad went.
I was left there with the boys. Questions were going to be asked, and as of right now I couldn’t answer anything.
I just wanted to be with Liam and make sure my baby was okay.
I excused myself and told the boys I was going to the cafeteria.
I saw so many sick patients and it broke my heart.
I had a seat at one of the tables. A young girl came and sat at the table I was sitting at.
“Hi, my names Kaitlin, what’s your name?”
“Hi Kaitlin, my names Rahela.”
“What are you doing here?” the little girl asked. I had noticed she was bald.
“My fiancé was hurt in a car accident.” I began to wipe the tears away.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. Why are you here?”
“I’m here for Chemotherapy.” she said as she smiled.
This young girl was going through Chemotherapy and was happy. She had a smile on her face. How did she manage to do that?
We talked for twenty minutes until her mom came in and told her that the doctors were ready for her.
“It was a pleasure talking to you Kaitlin.” I said.
“You too Rahela!” she said as she began walking away with a smile on her face.
“Rahela.. ” Kaitlin called my name.
I turned around.
She came running to me.
“Be strong, everything will be okay.” She said as she gave me a hug.
“I hope so.” I said.
It was my turn to go see Liam and I was going in by myself. I didn’t know what to expect. I was nervous and scared.
There Liam was with wires all over him. In the hospital gown. A bandage was wrapped all around his head. There was blood on that bandage.
An oxygen max was put on him. He looked yellow.
I laid next to him and put my head on his chest. I was just sitting there for an hour, listening to only the heartbeat of Liam.
Today was one of the worst days ever.
I was home. I was so exhausted, I changed into one of Liam’s tshirts and went into bed.
I couldn’t sleep all night. All I could think about was Liam.
Not having him beside me killed. I slept on his side of the bed.
I plugged my headphones in my iPod and listened to Moments while I cried myself to sleep.
Shut the door
Turn the light off
I wanna be with you
I wanna feel your love
I wanna lay beside you
I cannot hide this
Even though I try…
It’s been eight days that Liam has been in a coma and he still hasn’t woken up. These eight days have been the worst days of my life.
I’ve been cutting more. The feel of the blade on my skin makes things better. I deserve worse than just those cuts.
I’ve been in and out of the hospital.
I had a doctors appointment today. This was going to be the first doctors appointment Liam would miss.
“The babies look great. Seems like they’re comfortable in there.” Dr. Carmen said.
“Yeah, I’m just ready for them to pop out.” I said.
“Well you have three more months!”
Dr. Carmen prescribed me some vitamins and I was on my way back to the hospital.
“Rahela!” someone yelled as I walked inside.
I turned around and it was Kaitlin.
“Hey sweetheart!” I said as I gave her a hug.
“Why didn’t you tell me your fiancé was Liam Payne? The Liam Payne from One Direction. My favorite band!!” Kaitlin jumped.
“Ahaha I had no idea you would know him.” I laughed.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OF COURSE I KNOW THEM. HELLO THEY’RE THE MOST POPULAR BAND IN LONDON!” She exclaimed.
“Well you’ll be very excited to know that the other boys are in the waiting room right now.” I said.
“I know I ran into them and fangirled like no other. Niall is so hottt!”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“There’s also some exciting news, I went to check up on Liam and he’s awake. He woke up two hours ago!!”
I couldn’t believe it. This was amazing news.
I got on the elevator and made my way up to the third floor, where Liam’s room was.
I looked through the window, and Karen was already in there as well as Danielle.
What the hell was Danielle there for..?
I knocked on the door and walked in.
Liam looked at me and then at Danielle.
“Rahela, hey honey how are you?” Karen said as she came up to me and hugged me.
“I’m doing so much better now that I know Liam’s up.” I said walking over to Liam.
Liam looked at me up and down.
Why was he looking at me weird?
“I’m going to go grab a bite, I’ll see you later Liam.” Danielle said as she walked out.
See him later? Did she not know that I was his fiancé. Really?
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Karen said as she gave Liam a kiss on the forehead and left the room.
I pulled up a chair next to Liam and sat down. For some odd reason, he looked uncomfortable.
“I’m so glad you’re okay babe. I’ve missed you so damn much.”
“Wait..” Liam said.
“Babe, you shouldn’t be apologizing. I was being a bitch and I’m so sorry for hurting you Liam.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you are..”
“I don’t know who you are.” Those words kept repeating in my head.
Liam didn’t know who I was. This couldn’t be happening.. No please no!
“I’m your fiancé, Rahela.” I say as I start crying.
“I’m engaged?” Liam looks at me shocked.
“Yeah, you are.”
He looks me up and down again.
“I’m guessing thats my baby?” He says as he points to my stomach.
“Yeah, they’re your babies. Im pregnant with twins.”
This was all too much. How did Liam remember everyone else, but ME.
I walked out of the room, trying to find his doctor or nurse so they can explain this to me. I just needed to know what the fuck was going.
Why was everything going wrong with my life. WHY ME?!
I got a sharp pain on my stomach.
“Owww!!!” I yelled.
Liam’s nurse heard me and came running to me.
“Rahela, are you okay?!”
“Yeah I’m fine.” I said while holding my stomach.
“Whats wrong with Liam Lauren? He doesn’t remember me!!! He doesn’t remember me!!!” I yelled out of breath.
“What do you mean he doesn’t remember you? He seems to know everyone else..”
“But me! Lauren, he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I’m having his babies and we are supposed to be getting married in a few months. What am I supposed to do?!”
“I’m sorry sweetheart, but you have to talk to the doctors about this. I can’t tell you anything because I don’t have the answers.”
I spoke to the doctors, and they told me that memory loss is possible in these kind of situations.
Liam could or could not get his memory back, but the best thing to do was show him things that maybe would remind him of me, of us.
Things were very awkward between Liam and I. We couldn’t even keep eye contact.
How was I supposed to make Liam remember me? Remember what we had.
I was stressed out. I was only eighteen and was already facing so many obstacles in my life.
I felt regret for hurting my parents, for not listening to them and making a bad choice and getting pregnant at such a young age. I always wanted to finish school and get married then have kids.
Don’t get me wrong I wanted Liam’s babies, but right now was a wrong time.
I brought Liam an album I had of us and gave it to him. Maybe that would help his memory. I just needed my Liam back.
I couldn’t take seeing Danielle visit him and stay in his room for hours. He looked at her the way he used to look at me, and it hurt so much. It felt like someone was stabbing a knife in my heart..
Liam was finally coming home today, after being in the hospital for two weeks.
I was so happy, but also a bit scared. How were things going to work out? Liam still didn’t know who I was.
I was pretty much a stranger to him. We live together, which is going to make things even more weird.
The boys were going to bring Liam back to our house, so I decided to clean the place up a bit.
Ding dong. Ding dong.
I got the door and welcomed the boys in.
“We actually really have to get going, but we’ll stop by one of these days and check up on Liam.” Harry said.
It was now only Liam and I. Home alone. It was very quiet.
“I’m going to take a quick shower.” Liam said.
He remembered our place, which was a good sign.. Right?
I went in our room and changed into my pajamas.
I noticed Liam’s phone started vibrating. I peeked at it to see who it was, and it was Danielle.
This couldn’t be real.
Liam walked out of the bathroom with only his towel wrapped around his waste.
My mouth went dry. He was the most beautiful boy.
“Damn babe.” I said as I winked.
“Oops, sorry I didn’t know you were in here.”
Well that was the most embarrassing thing ever. I just called Liam babe. He for sure thought I was cray cray.
I walked out of the room and gave Liam some space to change and do his thing.
I decided to make some hot chocolate, mine and Liam’s favorite thing to do before going to bed.
I walked in the room and he was just sitting on the bed texting. I’m guessing it was Danielle..
“Here I made you some hot chocolate.” I said as I handed him a cup.
“Thanks! How did you know I liked hot chocolate before bed?”
“Well, we’ve been together for
a veryyyyy long time. I know everything about you.”
“And I know nothing about you.” he said.
I went quiet. I didn’t know what to say, I just made a complete fool of myself once again.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound harsh.” Liam said.
“It’ fine, no worries.” I said.
I got inside the bed and Liam got in as well.
“So, tell me how we first met.” Liam asked.
One of my favorite stories to tell was how Liam and I met.
“It was my cousin Julie’s birthday, and she was getting married to Andy, your best friend. We were all at the banquet, having a great time and dancing. I spotted you just sitting down there drinking a coke and I was a bit tipsy so I came up to you and asked you if you wanted to dance with me. Haha you said okay, so we started dancing on the dance floor and What Makes You Beautiful started playing. I had no idea you were in the band, so I just started singing along and dancing. You just stood their laughing at me. All the girls started running to you and begged you to sing the song. So you got on stage and started singing. The whole time you were looking at me. After the wedding, we ended up exchanging numbers. That night I went home, I got a text from you and you had said: ‘You are beautiful.’ And we talked ever since.”
“That’s a great story. Sounds like something that would happen in a movie, hahaha.”
I just wanted to cuddle up with him. I wanted things to go back to normal.
I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night because of the babies. I have such a difficult time trying to sleep because my stomach has gotten so big.
I got up and noticed Liam wasn’t in bed next to me. I heard the sound of the TV so I walked in the living room, and there Liam was sleeping on the couch with the remote in his hand. I turned off the TV and covered him with a blanket.
“I hope you wake up and remember me.” I whispered as I walked back in our room.
I noticed Liam was getting all dressed up. I wonder where he’s going.. I thought in my head.
“You look nice. Where are you going?”
“I’m going out to lunch.” Liam said while buttoning up his shirt.
“Oh, with who?” I asked curious.
Liam was going to lunch with Danielle. He was texting her the other day, she had sent him a welcome home card. What was going on with Liam and Danielle? Why was he going out with her and not me?
“I’ll be back home later, you don’t have to stay up.” Liam said as he grabbed his keys and walked out.
How could he do this to me? He was really going out with Danielle. I saw the way he looked at her when she would show up at the hospital. It was the same way he looked at me. His eyes would light up and he would smile that beautiful smile of his. Except, now he doesn’t look at me that way. He looks at me as if I’m nothing.
Liam was never going to remember me. I was giving up. There was nothing I could do.
I decided that I needed to leave the house and get my mind off Liam. Everything reminded me of him.
I did some shopping and decided I could grab a bite to eat because I was starving.
I was craving some Nando’s. I was about to cross the street when I saw Danielle and Liam holding hands making out on the sidewalk. Paparazzi were surrounding them.
My heart dropped. My appetite was gone. I needed to throw up, now.
Liam didn’t want me anymore, he didn’t even know who I was. I couldn’t make him fall in love with me again when he was already with Danielle.
She took him from me. I hated her.
There was no point of waiting. He clearly wanted Danielle.
I turned around and walked away making sure no one saw me.
I didn’t even know how I got home. My brain wasn’t functioning. All I saw was Liam and Danielle all on each other.
I walked in my house and grabbed my suitcase from the closet. I threw all my clothes and shoes in there. I couldn’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with seeing Liam with another girl. He was the only boy I loved, but I wasn’t the only girl he did.
I took a piece of paper ad started writing..
“I can’t do this anymore Liam.”
I put the note on his bed and walked out of the house. I took one last look at it, the tears started streaming down.
Liam and I had so many memories in this house.
I had to do what was right. I had to leave. I was tired of hurting myself, tired of having the ones I loved hurt me.
I had to move on and be strong for myself and for my babies. I could do this.
I got in my car and drove to my best friend Mandy’s house. I had no were else to go..
It was just me and my babies. That’s all I had.
I’ve been staying at my best friend Mandy’s house for three weeks now. I found me a small apartment and I’m moving in there this weekend.
I don’t know what I would do without Mandy. She’s always been there for me, and I’m so glad I have her in my life.
I also got a job at Milkshake City, since I need a way to pay for the apartment.
Mandy’s boyfriend Christian was good friends with the owner of Milkshake City so he hooked me up.
I haven’t spoken to Liam in weeks. He hasn’t even bothered calling me or texting me; not even to check up on the babies. It’s okay though. I can do this by myself. I don’t need him.
I had a couple thousand dollars saved up in my bank. That money was supposed to go to college, but right now I have more important things to do.
“It’s just one date!”
“Mandy, I can’t! I’m still in love with Liam. And who would want to date a pregnant girl with twins!”
“It doesn’t matter. He loves kids! Oh and you mean a hottt pregnant girl with twins!” Mandy said.
“Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I’m far from hot. I feel like a cow!”
“Oh shutup! You’re gorgeous!”
“Are you kidding me, I’ll look like such a hoe. I’m pregnant and dating. Oh gosh, definitely not!” I laughed. Was she actually being serious?
“You’re far from a hoe.”
That was true. I lost my virginity to Liam. He was the only guy I did stuff with.
“Fine, I’ll go! But we are going as friends. The word date just makes things seem so much worse!”
“Okay, that’s fine! Yayy! I’m excited.” Mandy said as she turned into the parking lot.
I had another doctors appointment today. I had decided I wanted to find out the sex of my babies. Liam really wanted it to be a surprise, but too bad because he wasn’t a part of our lives anymore.
“This is so exciting!!” Mandy exclaimed as we walked into the doctors office.
I had goosebumps. Walking in gave me flashbacks of the times Liam would come with me. Seeing all these couples waiting definitely wasn’t helping.
“You’re having a girl.. And a boy!!” Dr. Carmen exclaimed.
“Congratulations!! Oh my God I can’t wait to see the little Munchkins!” Mandy squeaked.
This was amazing news. I was having a boy and a girl. I couldn’t wait to tell Liam!
Liam. He wasn’t a part of my life anymore. He didn’t care about me or our babies. Tears started running down my face.
“Oh no Rahela, are you okay?” Mandy asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, they’re happy tears!” I tried laughing it off. I was lying. They were sad tears. I just wanted Liam back. Was that too much to ask for?
A few hours passed and Mandy and I were getting ready to go out with with Mandy’s man Christian and Christian’s friend Max.
“How do I look?” Mandy asked.
“You look hottt! I love that dress!”
“Really? It’s Michael Kors. He has the most gorgeous dresses. You look gorgeous Rahela!”
“Are you sure? Because I really don’t feel like it.”
“Yes, you are! I wish I look that good when I’m pregnant.” Mandy said.
“Thanks. You always know how to put a smile on my face.”
“Of course! How rad would it be if we ran into Liam!” Mandy exclaimed.
“Oh gosh, I hope we don’t.”
“Eee they’re here! Let’s go!”
I really wish we don’t run into Liam, I thought in my head as we walked out the door. I really wish we don’t..
The evening was going by great. Christian’s friend Max was such a gentleman and was very cute, but he wasn’t like Liam. No one was like Liam. He was really one of a kind.
Okay, Rahela get your mind off Liam. He’s not in your life anymore. Forget about him. He’s nothing.
Enjoy the night.
“So, Rahela what are you going to do once you have your babies. How are you going to work with two little ones?” Max asked.
“I never actually thought of..” My mouth dropped open.
Danielle had just walked into the restaurant.
Oh please God, he better not be here. Please, please, please!
“I’m sorry, can you excuse me..” I said as I got up, took my clutch and walked away going to the restroom.
Mandy came running in.
“Oh my gosh Mandy, this can’t be happening. We have to leave! I can’t see him. No please Mandy let’s leave I can’t do this.” I said hyperventilating.
“Slow down there, he’s not even here Rahela!” Mandy exclaimed.
“He’s going to come, I know it!”
“Don’t ruin this great night Ella!”
“Don’t fucking call me that!!!” I shouted.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that Liam would always call me that. I can’t. I just can’t.” I said sobbing.
“I’m so sorry, let’s leave. It’s okay. We can go somewhere else.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m being immature. We’ll stay. I’m sorry for being such a bitch.”
“It’s okay. It’s probably just the hormones with the whole pregnancy and stuff. I understand.”
I wiped the tears away and touched up on my makeup.
I got this. I can do it! I don’t need a man.
We walked out of the restroom and made our way to the table.
“Sorry boys, did you guys miss us?” Mandy giggled.
I couldn’t help but laugh. She was great.
I looked to my right, and there Liam was holding Danielle’s hand talking.
My brain froze. I just wanted to get out of here. Seeing Liam look at Danielle the way he used to look at me, killed.
His eyes were then on me. I couldn’t look at him. Those beautiful brown eyes. I turned away and started talking to Max.
“How about we get out of here and go catch a movie!” I suggested.
“Sounds great, I’m actually dying to see The Hunger Games!” Mandy said.
“I heard that’s a good movie. I read the book and it was great.” Christian said.
“I’m up for it!” Max said.
Walking out meant we were going to pass Liam & Danielle’s table. Great.
Max’s hand was on my lower back as we walked side by side. Liam’s eyes were then on us.
I looked at him, then looked down. I stopped walking, turned around and kissed Max. I just had to. I wanted to get Liam jealous.
Liam just looked and continued his conversation with Danielle.
That was so immature of me. I humiliated myself. Who was I kidding trying to get him jealous? If he wanted me, he could’ve called. He obviously didn’t.
Max was surprised with that kiss. I hope he didn’t get any ideas. Ugh I was so stupid!
I just wanted this night to be over with.
I had finally moved into my crappy apartment. That’s all I could afford right now so I guess it was better than nothing.
I couldn’t depend on Mandy anymore. She was great, but I’m an adult. I need to know how to manage my life.
I decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Exercise was what I needed. I had gained 28 pounds!
My phone started ringing and it was Karen. That was odd, I hadn’t talked to her in forever. It was partially my fault since I was ignoring her calls. I didn’t want to have contact with any of the Payne’s to be honest.
“Hi sweetheart, how are you? I’ve been worried sick about you! Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
“Oh I’m okay. I’ve just been busy with work and I just recently moved. Sorry. How are you?”
“I’m actually great. I’m guessing you haven’t heard the news?” Karen asked.
“What news..” I asked confused.
“Liam and Danielle are engaged!”
“Wha—what?” My throat became dry.
“Liam hasn’t told you? He told me he was going to let you know the other day!”
“No, he hasn’t. I’m sorry Karen I have to go.”
I needed to get away now.
This couldn’t be true. He couldn’t be marrying her. I looked down at my left hand and I still had Liam’s ring on my finger.
I couldn’t stand him. How could he do this to me? How could he just leave me just like that? We were supposed to get married. I was fucking engaged to him for crying out loud. What the hell was going on? It felt as if someone was stabbing me. My heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces.
How could he betray me like that. I fucking loved him. I was there for him. He said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
How could he forget me out of everyone? Why me?
I needed to talk to someone. I started dialing. Those numbers just came up.
“Hello?” Zayn answered.
“Zayn, it’s Ra-Rahela.” I said sobbing through the phone.
“Rahela babe are you okay?!”
“No Zayn, I need you right now. Please.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m across the street from Nando’s.”
“I’ll be right there babe, don’t move!”
“O-kay. Thank you.”
Zayn was there in five minutes.
“Rahela, what happened? Who hurt you?” Zayn asked as he pulled me close to him and gave me a hug.
“It’s Liam. Why didn’t you tell me he was engaged.”
“Oh no, you heard? Who told you?”
“Karen. How could he be engaged Zayn. We were supposed to get married, not him and Danielle. Zayn, I love him!”
“I’m sorry Rahela.” Zayn said as we stood there hugging.
“How am I supposed to make him fall in love with me again.” I said as I pulled away from Zayn.
“I’ll talk to him, no worries.”
“Thank you Zayn. You’re a great mate.”
I looked at the time and noticed I was almost late to work. Crap.
“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked.
“I totally forgot I’m almost late to work!”
“I’ll take you. Where do you work?”
“Seriously? My favorite!”
“Haha, it’s on me today.”
“Yesss!” Zayn jumped.
I couldn’t help but laugh. I really needed that right now. If you ever needed someone to talk to, Zayn was always there.
Zayn took out his phone and started texting.
“Let’s go!” He said as he winked. He was such a flirt.
I made Zayn a Vanilla milkshake.
“This is amazing!”
“Of course it is, I made it!” I giggled.
“Vas Happenin’?!” Zayn stood up.
I turned around and there Harry, Niall, Louis and Liam were. Oh no.
I felt sick. How could I be so stupid, of course Zayn was going to text his boys.
“Sorry Rahela, I had to let the boys know that I was getting a Milkshake. We always have to have them together.”
Of course, how could I have forgotten. That was their thing. They always had to have milkshakes with each other, It was one of their rules.
I took the boys’ orders. I didn’t have to ask Liam what he wanted, I already knew.
“What about me?” Liam asked.
“I already know. You want a Chocolate milkshake with a cherry on top.”
“Thanks.” Liam smiled.
“Wait.” Liam said walking after me.
I turned around and we were so close to one another. This was awkward.
“How are the babies? How are you?”
“You’re really going to ask me this now? My babies are great. And I’m great.”
That was a bit harsh, but seriously Its been how long and now he’s going to ask me how I’ve been. Are you kidding me?
“I’m sorry.” Liam said.
“Its whatever. Oh and I forgot to tell you, Congratulations. You and Danielle make a lovely couple.” I said as I took off my ring and gave it to him.
“What’s this?” He looked confused.
“Did you forget.. We were engaged.” I said as I walked away.
I couldn’t believe I had actually given Liam the ring back at work today. His face was speechless! I was so proud of myself.
I brushed my teeth and was about to get into bed when my phone started vibrating. New text message, I wonder from who? It was pretty late.
11:37pm My baby<3
“Hey Rahela, I know this is late but I would really like to talk to you. Maybe we can go out for some hot chocolate?”
First of all I really had to change his name in my contacts. Second, what did he want to talk to me about?It was almost midnight and he wanted to go for hot chocolate. Was he crazy?
Me: “It’s too late Liam. We can talk tomorrow.”
11:39pm My baby<3
“I know, hot chocolate is on me. Please.”
What could he possibly want. What was SO important that he had to talk to me about. I wanted to go though.
11:40pm My baby<3
“I’m on my way. I have your address already.”
I was so nervous. I had butterflies in my stomach.
11:46pm My baby<3
I was in my shorts and a tshirt. I grabbed my wallet and house keys, put on my toms and made my way out.
“Hey.” Liam said as I got in the car.
The car ride was so quiet and awkward. I turned on the radio and Somebody That I Used to Know was playing, one of mine and Liam’s favorites!
Liam started laughing and began singing along.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
“It’s your part!” Liam laughed.
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
And I don’t want to live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know.
I couldn’t help but laugh, Liam and I would always jam out to this song.
Wait. How did he remember this was my part and that I would always sing it.
“How do you remember this song?!” I asked confused.
“It’s our song. We used to always sing along to it.” Liam said.
“You remember that?!”
“Yeah, I remember one night we had gotten into an argument and we were driving back to my place, and then this song started playing. It suited our situation perfectly so we started yelling at each other the lyrics.”
“That was the day we got in an argument because you saw Nick talking to me, and you got pissed because he was being all flirty.”
“Well, I hated when guys would look at you. And the way he was staring you down.. I wanted to punch him.”
I couldn’t believe Liam actually remembered that.
“Rahela, there’s some tiny things I remember about us and they’re just coming to me. I don’t remember us getting engaged. I completely forgot that you told me in the hospital we were. It’s just so much was going on and i didn’t know what was happening to me.”
“It’s okay, I completely understand. I’m sorry for being such a bitch. It’s just the hormones with the pregnancy. I was also hungry and you know how I get.”
“Yeah, ahaha I do. Never want to mess with you when your hungry.”
“Oh shutup!” I punched him on his arm.
“Hey, that want nice!” Liam said rubbing his arm.
“And since when did you get so strong?”
“Are you kidding me, I’ve always been strong!”
Liam and I sat in his car parked up just talking for hours. We were catching up. I was bringing back old stories of us. It felt like things were going back to normal.
Liam’s phone started ringing.
“Sorry, I have to get this.”
Liam answered his phone.
“Hey babe, yeah I’ll be home soon. I’m leaving Harry’s house now. See you soon.” he said as he hung up.
It hurt so much hearing Liam call Danielle babe.
“Oh wow, look at the time It’s almost 2:30!” I exclaimed as I yawned.
“So much for the hot chocolate, hub?”
“Oops, haha I guess we got too caught up on the conversation.” I giggled.
We drove back in silence. I was so tempted to grab Liam and just kiss him already.
It felt like things were going back to normal until Danielle called and ruined the mood.
Liam pulled over to my street.
“I had a good time. It was nice catching up.” Liam said.
“Yeah, me too.” I said as I got out of the car.
“Rahela wait.. Don’t push me out of the babies lives. Please. I want to be a part of them.”
“I won’t. Goodnight Liam.” I said as I closed the car door and walked into my apartment.
I didn’t hear Liam’s car drive away until a few minutes later.
I got inside and went straight into my bed.
I missed Liam so much. He actually wanted to take part of our little boy and girls life. How could I not let that happen.
It was a busy day at work. I was making a strawberry milkshake when someone called my name. of course I knew who it was. I recognized that voice anywhere.
I look up and I see Liam walking up to me with a huge smile on his face. God I loved that smile of his.
“Hey Liam, what’s up?”
“Can you take your break? I really need to talk to you! Like it’s really important!” Liam said all excited.
“Wait let me finish this milkshake and I’ll meet you outside. This better be good!”
“Oh it’s good alright!” Liam said as he winked and walked out.
I walk out and there Liam is standing with all these toys and bags of clothes.
“What is all this?”
“It’s stuff for our kids!” Liam exclaimed.
“Liam, you didn’t have to. Omg are those woody pajamas? Those are adorable!! Ahaha.”
“I know aren’t they! I saw them and I knew I had to get them. Look at these princess pajamas, you’ll love these!” Liam said as he went threw the bags and took it out.
“Oh my gosh, that is the cutesy thing! And Its pink, my favorite!!” I giggled.
“I knew you’d love them!” Liam gave me that cheeky smile.
“That was so sweet of you Liam! Thank you! They’ll love it.” I said as I walked closer to him and gave him a hug.
Liam wrapped his arms around me and we just stood there for several minutes. I missed his hugs so much.
My hands were then on his hair and his hands were on my lower back.
I just wanted to stay like this forever.
“I’m sorry.” I said as I pulled away.
“I should probably get back to work, I don’t want Jack complaining.”
“Yeah that wouldn’t be good. I’ll bring the stuff to your place later tonight.”
“That sounds good.” I said as I walked away.
The rest of the day at work went by super fast. That’s what I loved about working at Milkshake City. It was always so busy that my day would go by fast. Also, I got free Milkshakes which was a plus! Haha.
I took a hot shower once I got home and changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank.
I started making some Mac and cheese when my phone started ringing.
It was Liam.
“Hello.” I answered.
“Rahela! Are you home? I wanted to come and drop off the stuff if that’s fine with you.”
“Yeah I’m home, that’s fine.”
“Okay open the door.” he said as he hung up.
Well that was fast.
I opened the door and there Liam was carrying all the bags out.
“Here, let me help you.” I said.
“No definitely not! Your pregnant. You shouldn’t be carrying anything.” Liam said as he walked inside my house.
“You can just put them in the room on your right.”
Liam settled the things down in the room.
“Well, I should probably get going.”
“No, you can stay if you’d like. I’m actually making some Mac and Cheese. You can join me.” I offered.
“Now that’s what smells so good. How could I pass this offer?” Liam said as he laughed.
Liam made himself comfortable on the couch as was watching some TV.
I brought him a plate of Mac and Cheese with some Coke and got myself a plate as well.
“This tastes incredible!”
“Thank you!” I giggled.
“What’s so funny?”
“It’s just you have a little cheese over here..” I said wiping it off his nose.
“Oh wow how did it get up there.”
“You must’ve been really excited..” I laughed.
“Who wouldn’t be. This is Rahela Tap’s Mac and Cheese we’re talking about!” Liam exclaimed.
He was such a goof ball!
“Please tell me you still have your copy of Toy Story?”
“I actually do! I was watching it the other night. Here I’ll put it on.” I said as I bent down and put it in the DVD player.
I felt Liam’s eyes on my but.
“Damn.” Liam said.
“What?” I said turning around.
“Nothing.” He said laughing.
Liam and I laid down on the floor watching Toy Story the whole night. We laughed and cried. This movie got us every time.
I woke up with Liam’s hands wrapped around my stomach. Oh no, please tell me we didn’t do anything yesterday night.
I thought it over and thank God we hadn’t. We fell asleep watching Toy Story, no worries Rahela.
I tried to move, but I felt something wet on me. Oh no. I look down and notice there was water all over my pants and shirt and on Liam’s shorts as well.
My water had broke. This was the most embarrassing thing, ever!
“Liam!! Get up!!” I tried pushing him off me.
“Whaaattt..” Liam said getting up.
“MY WATER BROKE LIAM I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!”
“Shit. Oh my God!” Liam said looking down at me.
He was just standing there shocked.
“LET’S GO!!” I yelled at him.
He helped me up and grabbed several towels.
The water was coming down like a water fountain.
I sat in Liam’s car with towels everywhere surrounding me while Liam drove.
“OH MY GOSH. OW!!” A sharp pain hit my stomach.
“WHAT’S WRONG?” Liam asked scared.
“It hurts so much. Drive faster please. Owwwww!!” I screamed while squeezing Liam’s hand.
“You’re killing me here!” Liam said.
“SHUTUP, DRIVE FASTER AND STOP COMPLAINING!!”
“Just breathe in and breathe out!!!” Liam tried calming me down, it wasn’t helping.
We got to the hospital and Liam ran to my side, opened the door and helped me out.
“I need a wheel chair!” Liam yelled.
A nurse came running down with one.
“Thank you. My fiancé, well the mother of my babies is in labor!”
“Ahhhhhhhh!!!” I yelled.
“Don’t worry babe, it’s okay. You’re okay! You got this!” Liam tried comforting me.
“SHUT.. THE.. HELL.. UP! AHHHH!”
I was in labor for eight hours. Liam was in the room the whole time sitting next to me, holding my hand and videotaping me.
I was dying for water, but the doctor told me I had to chew ice.
I had a cup of ice in my hands. Liam was falling asleep next to me and it was pissing me off. I was going through the worst pain, while he was sleeping. I took the ice and threw it at him.
“What the hell was that for?!” Liam woke up.
“You don’t get to sleep, while I’m in labor. No. That’s not fair.”
“You’re so cute when your mad.” Liam laughed.
“It’s almost here!!!” The nurse yelled.
“Breathe in and breathe out, Rahela. We see the head!”
I pushed, and pushed.
“I cant do this.” I cried as I was out of breath.
“Yes you can Rahela!” Liam said squeezing my hand.
It’s like Liam was giving me strength. I pushed and one of them was out.
“This ones a girl!” the nurse exclaimed!
“Keep on pushing Rahela, your almost there. Give me three more big pushes.”
I squeezed Liam’s hand so hard and pushed.
“Two more pushes, you got this!” Liam said.
Hearing Liam’s voice took the pain away.
“It’s a boy!!!” the nurse cheered.
I let out a huge sigh and looked at Liam.
He had tears coming down and had the biggest smile on his face.
I couldn’t help but cry.
Liam was sitting next to me holding our little girl Dawn Karen Payne while I was holding our baby boy Ren James Payne.
“They have your nose.” I said looking at Liam, smiling.
“Oh no, I hope they don’t.”
“Come on Liam you have the cutest nose!”
For some odd reason, Liam hated his nose. He was nuts, because I thought it was adorable!
Liam’s parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and the boys all showed up congratulating us and showering us with gifts.
My best friend Mandy also ended up coming with her parents and Christian.
Everyone was so happy and seeing Liam hold our babies and show them off to his family and friends made my heart melt. He actually really cared.
Everyone was gone and I was dying for some sleep when someone knocked on our door and walked in.
It was my mom and dad. They were actually here.
“Hi Rahela, Hi Liam.” My parents said as they shook Liam’s hand.
“Congratulations on the babies.” they said.
“We were hoping we could get a few words with you Rahela.” My dad said.
Liam excused himself and walked out. Why did he have to leave me alone with them.
“Rahela, we’re sorry for kicking you out. We should’ve been there for you. It’s just the news was to much and we couldn’t have your siblings see you like that. You weren’t a very good influence on them. We know we shouldn’t have kicked you out and we really do regret it. We are so glad your babies are healthy and that you have Liam to support you. We owe him an apology as well.” my dad said.
“You mean the world to us sweetheart. You don’t have to accept this apology, but just know that your father and I love you so much.” my mom cried.
“You guys really did hurt me. But you are my parents and I will always love you guys. It’s okay.”
“We want to be a part of our grandkids’ lives.” My mom said.
“Of course, I would never keep you away from them.”
Making peace with my parents took so much stress off my shoulders. I was glad things were good with us. I had missed them so much!
They also ended up apologizing to Liam for being disrespectful and rude to him. Liam of course accepted the apology. My parents had no idea that Liam and I had split. We were going to keep it that way.
I stayed at the hospital for one day and was on my way home. The babies had to stay in the hospital for two days due to the doctors rules. Liam was driving me home.
“Thanks for staying with me.”
“You know I’d do anything for you and our kids.” Liam said with his eyes on me.
I couldn’t take it. I wanted him so bad.
“I wanted to talk to you about some things.” Liam said as he parked in my driveway.
“You can come down and we can talk.” I offered.
I got home and showered right away and changed into my pjs while Liam watched some TV.
“Hey.” I said walking in the living room.
“Hey. Have a seat.” Liam said patting the seat next to him.
“So I know this is going to be a bit too much, but I don’t want you staying here. I don’t want our babies living here. This place is too small for all three of you and I don’t like this neighborhood it’s not safe.”
“What are you talking about Liam?” I asked confused.
“This is my home. It’s big enough for the babies and I.”
“No Rahela, it’s not. You’re moving in with me. My place is bigger. I want to be a part of their lives as well. It’s not fair. The best thing to do is to move in.”
I was in complete shock.
“What about Danielle?”
“Danielle and I aren’t together. We broke up.”
“We’re not together. She’s not the one for me.”
“I don’t know what to say Liam.”
“Say yes. Move in with me.”
I ended up moving in with Liam. He convinced me and said it was the best thing to do for the babies and I.
Of course, Liam and I slept in different rooms.
He had three rooms at his place. One for the babies, one for me and his room. This was good.
“I did some grocery shopping and I stacked up on Vitamin water and gold fish, your favorites.” Liam said.
“Awesome! Haha you remember?”
“I do!” Liam laughed.
“I shouldnt even be eating goldfish! I need to be on a diet and lose this baby weight.” I said pointing to my stomach.
“You look great. No Worries.” Liam said as he winked.
Those winks got me every time. I had goosebumps all over my body. Liam noticed.
“Yeah.” I lied as I went in my room and put on a sweatshirt.
“So since the doctor said you should be on rest for four weeks, I figured I would do the cooking and cleaning around the place.”
“Slow down there buddy. Who said I was going to cook and clean anyways?”
“Well, you know I’m not a very good cook.” Liam laughed.
“I can do the cooking, but you’re doing the cleaning.”
The door bell rang and I went to go see who it was.
“Vas happenin’?” Zayn said giving me a tight hug.
Louis, Niall and Harry all walked in after him also giving me hugs.
“Daddy Direction!” Niall said jumping on Liam.
Their bromances were too funny.
“What’s up boys?”
“Just thought we’d check in and see how you guys are doing. Where are the babies?” Louis asked.
“They’re sleeping. It’s past their bed time!” Liam joked.
The boys stayed over for hours. We were all having a great time playing a game of monopoly, one of our favorites.
I was getting tired so I figured it was time to hit the hay.
“Thanks for coming over guys. I had so much fun. I’m going to go to bed, I’m exhausted. Goodnight.” I said waving bye and walking in my room.
I grabbed my nook, turned off the lights and got into bed. I started reading ‘The Best of Me’ by Nicholas Sparks, my favorite author. His books inspired me to become a writer.
Reading was one thing that got my mind of things. It was very relaxing and was the only time I could actually just sit back and clear my head.
I heard a tiny knock on the door, and Liam peeked through.
“You’re still up?”
“Yeah, just reading.”
Liam came and walked over by my bed and sat down at the end of it.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I just wanted to say goodnight to you and make sure you were okay.”
“I’m great, thanks.” I smiled at him.
“Okay, just making sure. Goodnight Ella.” Liam said as he gave me a kiss on my forehead and walked out.
Ella. Liam had called me Ella. That was my nickname he made up and he had just said it.
I got out of bed and ran into Liam’s room. He was already in the shower.
I had to know why he called me Ella. How he knew that was what he called me before the whole accident.
I opened the bathroom door and walked right in. I needed to know what was going on with Liam. I needed to know now.
He opened the shower door and looked at me. He had shampoo on his hair and I tried not looking him up and down, but i couldn’t help it. His body was so muscular and fit. His hair wet. His eyes on me. He was so sexy.
“What’s up? You okay?” Liam asked while washing the soap out of his hair.
“Why did you call me Ella?”
“What do you mean?”
“What made you call me Ella? That was what you would always call me before everything happened.”
“I told you, I’m remembering things every day.”
“No Liam. Tell me the truth.”
“I remember everything Rahela. The memories all have been coming back to me these last few weeks. I remember what happened with us before the accident. I remember the first time we met. I remember me asking you to marry me. I remember us Rahela.”
“That’s great. I’m glad the old Liam James Payne is back.” I said giggling.
Liam turned off the water, got out and wrapped a towel around his waist.
We were so close to one another and he was looking at me the way he would always look at me. Like I was the only one who mattered to him.
I got butterflies in my stomach and I was pretty sure my face was as pink as a pig. Oh boy this was awkward.
“Okay I should probably get going.” I said turning around.
Liam grabbed my wrist and turned me around.
“Wait. Don’t go. Stay.”
Before I know it, Liam pulls me in and lifts me off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist. My hands are on his wet hair. Our mouths are on each other. We’re making out like we haven’t seen one another in forever.
Well that’s how it felt like. Those two months were Liam didn’t remember me were the worst months of my life.
I was still in pain from labor and I was a bit weak but I didn’t care. All that mattered right now was Liam.
Things were finally going back to normal.
I wanted Liam, right now. I couldn’t take it anymore. I waited too long for him. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I couldn’t even wait anymore.
Liam’s hands were on my back and then he was raising up my shirt.
I pulled away from our kiss.
“Take it off Liam. I need you. Please.”
Liam’s hands were all on me. My clothes were off quickly. I yanked Liam’s towel off and pulled him in the shower. He was so big.
I turned the hot water on. Liam and I were both under the shower head, holding one another. His lips were on mine. The water coming down our bodies. My hands were on Liam’s back. I didn’t want to let go of him. I wanted to stay like this forever. Me and him.
Liam grabbed my legs, pulled me up and pushed me against the wall.
He began kissing my neck, biting my ear.
“I missed you, so much.” Liam whispered in my ear.
He gave me the shivers.
“Don’t stop.” I said pushing his head down on my breasts.
They were so sore, but it didn’t matter.
“You’re so damn beautiful.” Liam said.
“Liam, I need you inside me. Now.”
“I can’t babe. As much as I want to, I can’t. The doctor said you’re too weak and you need some rest. I don’t want to hurt you.” Liam said pulling away.
“Please, you won’t hurt me. I’m perfectly fine.”
Liam grabbed my face and stood their looking me straight in the eyes.
“You’re not very convincing you know.” Liam said as he laughed.
“Oh reaaaalllyyy..” I said moving back away from Liam and taking the soap bar and rubbing it around my body.
I turned around, my back to Liam. I was such a tease, but what other way would get his attention. I giggled.
“Oh you’re bad.”
“Am I really?” I said turning around and giving him a wink.
“You got me..” Liam said turning off the shower water. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me and carried me inside his room.
Liam put me down on the bed and got on top of me. He was looking down at me with this big brown eyes.
“I see you’ve changed your mind huh?” I giggled.
“I just couldn’t resist!” Liam said winking and pulling the towel off me.
“I knew it.” I said rolling off and getting on top of Liam.
“I like you in this position.” Liam said pulling my head down on his. Our foreheads were touching and our eyes were on each other.
“I like being on top too.” I said as my lips touched Liam’s.
That’s when everything stopped. All my thoughts and worries were gone. I had no stress when I was with Liam. Everything was perfect when I was with him. I wanted this moment to last forever.
Liam was in me. He was mine.
I woke up in Liam’s arms. He was holding me tight. We were naked. Shit. That’s when I remembered, we ended up sleeping together last night. Don’t get me wrong the sex was great and everything was just perfect, but the problem was Liam didn’t love me. And I was madly in love with him.
I quietly got up, grabbed my clothes, put them on and walked out of the room to check on Dawn and Ren.
They were both sleeping so peacefully. They were my little Angels. I loved them so much!
I needed some time to myself and to just clear my head so I decided a walk was just what I needed. I put on my toms and made my way out.
I got stares by several people, and some random girl i didn’t even know shouted at me saying
“You’re so ugly. You and Liam are NEVER going to last. He’s only with you because of the babies. Those babies probably aren’t even his. You’re a whore. You disgusting piece of shit. Liam doesn’t deserve you!”
I couldn’t believe her. How could someone be so cruel and heartless. I didn’t even say one word to her and continued walking. People actually thought that of me. The tears started coming down. I couldn’t let anyone see me so I ran back to Liam’s house. Of course there were paparazzi everywhere.
“Rahela, why are you crying? More problems with Liam?” An older man asked me as he continued snapping pictures of me. I unlocked the door, and turned around. I gave the guy my middle finger and walked right in. That would teach him to keep his mouth shut!
I went to check on Dawn and Ren and make sure they were okay. There Liam was sitting on the rocking chair, holding both Dawn and Ren. I quietly walked out, grabbed my camera and took a picture of them.
“Look at your mommy, being all sneaky taking pictures of us!” Liam laughed as he looked up.
“I couldn’t help it! You guys looked so adorable.” I smiled.
“Have you been crying?” Liam looked at me confused.
“No..” I lied.
“Ella, don’t lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself. What’s wrong?”He said as he got up and out the kids in their cribs.
“It’s nothing..” I said walking out.
“Rahela! You can’t just keep running away from me all the time. I’m always going to be here you know.” Liam said coming after me.
“I’m not running away from you. I don’t want to talk about it.” I said as I turned around and looked at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I was being a bitch.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that we shouldn’t have slept together last night. And I decided to go on a walk and I got stares from several people. Someone even told me I was ugly and that I don’t deserve you and that I’m a whore. It just hurts so much. There’s only so much I can take Liam. And what we did last night complicates things even more.” I said as the tears started streaming down my face.
Liam walked over by me, pulled me in and hugged me.
“I hate seeing you cry. Please don’t cry babe. I’m sorry for last night, your right it shouldn’t of happened. As for the people giving you stares and calling you names, don’t listen to them. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful and smart. They wish they were you. You’re an amazing person Ella, don’t you ever forget that.” Liam said as he tightened the hug.
I just wanted to stay in his arms forever.
Dawn and Ren started crying, which killed the moment.
“They’re hungry.” I said as my stomach started growling as well.
“I think they’re mommy’s hungry as well. I mean I don’t blame you. After last night, I can eat a cow!” Liam said as he winked.
“Oh shutup Lam Lam!” I said pushing him off and walking away. I felt his eyes on me as I made my way to check up on the little munchkins.
Liam was leaving to Australia and New Zealand, which meant we wouldn’t be seeing each other for one month. Liam wasn’t going to see Dawn and Ren for one month. One whole month, thirty one freaking days. I didn’t want him to go, but he had to. I couldn’t stop him from doing what he loved, singing. That was his passion. His career. I loved him so much and these thirty one days were going to be terrible, I already knew.
“If you need anything, make sure you call me. If anything happens, call me! If you can’t get a hold of me then call Paul or try calling the boys. I will call you once I get there.” Liam said as he grabbed his suitcases. He gave both Dawn and Ren kisses and stopped right in front of me.
“I’ll see you in one month.” Liam said as he pulled me in and gave me a hug. We just stood there for a minute. I didn’t want to let go. He smelled so amazing, I just wanted to take him back to the bedroom.
“Take care. Have a safe flight and have fun! Don’t forget to call me!” I said as Liam got in the taxi and drove away.
Even though it was only one month, that was going to be long. Ever since I gave birth, Liam told me to quit from Milkshake City and stay at home with the kids. Right now, I needed to get out of the house. I decided to take a stop at Mandy’s house and see how she was doing.
“Oh my gosh, they are so big and adorbzzz!” Mandy said as she grabbed onto Dawn and carried her in while Ren was in my arms.
“Haha I know, they just keep growing its crazy how fast everything’s going.”
“And Liam left to Australia?”
“Yep, he’s going to be gone for a month.”
“How are you dealing with that?”
“Well I gotta do what I gotta do. No worries though because I have the little ones who will help me and get my mind off things. How’s Christian?”
“I didn’t tell you? We broke up. I caught that asshole cheating on me. Can you believe it.. After two whole years and he fucks everything over. Im done with relationships for now I’m just going to worry on my teaching and my students. That’s all I need. I don’t need a man to make me happy.”
“I wish I was strong like you Mandy.”
“Me strong? Pff not even. I cry myself to sleep every night. Everything around my house reminds me of him. As for my family? They all loved him and got a long with him so well!”
“You know what we need? We need a girls night out! We need to go grab some drinks and find you a nice guy.. You know what I actually know the perfect guy for you!” I jumped up and down.
“Uh oh, who?!”
“Harry Styles.” I said as I winked.
“You’ve got to be kidding me..”
“Oh, I’m not!” ahaha
Liam was finally home. One month felt like a year, but he was finally home and I was so happy to have him back. I had missed him oh so much!
“So babe, my parents invited us to their house for Easter on Sunday. They also invited your parents and they said they would be there.”
“Really? That’s great! My parents are coming as well? This is so exciting! I’m making chocolate chip cookies! Oh and I have to go buy Chloe a dress! Ahh this is fantastic!” I said grabbing my keys.
“Where are you going? I’m glad you’re excited babe.” Liam laughed.
“I’m going to go buy Chloe a cute Easter outfit and buy some ingredients for the chocolate chip cookies!” I said as I gave Liam a quick peck on the lips and left.
Our families were finally going to be together. Things were going good! Wohoo!
“Look at my princess she looks beautiful!” Liam said as I put Dawn in a short pink dress with flowers on it and ballet flats.
“And what about this handsome boy who looks just like his daddy!” I said as I lifted Ren up and fixed up his tiny bow tie.
Liam and Ren were both matching wearing nice jeans, red converse and a plaid blue shirt.
I quickly changed into a yellow simple over the knee dress that fit my body perfectly from Akira.
“Liam, can you zip me up?”
Liam came up from behind me and his hands touched my lower back. They were so cold and I couldn’t help but jump a bit.
“Do I make you that nervous?” Liam said as he zipped my zipper.
“Oh shutup, your hands were cold.” I said rolling my eyes. Okay, yes I was lying a little. Not only did I jump because Liam’s hands were cold, but because he had some kind of power over me. His touch made me feel alive and made me want him even more.
“Wait, I also need you to put this.” I said handing him my pearl necklace.
“Why don’t I just dress you.” Liam said winking.
“Haha very funny.” Thinking of Liam dressing me gave me goosbumps.
I heard the click of the necklace but Liam was still standing there, his hands on my shoulders.
He moved my hair to the right side and then his lips were on my neck. I tilted my head more to the right and leaned back a little. His hands were then roaming down my stomach, then they were on my waist. My knees were getting weak and wearing these nude pumps were definitely not helping. I stepped on Liam’s shoes and fell back onto Liam as he fell right on the bed.
“I’m so sorry! I lost my balance.” I said trying to get up and off of him.
“No worries.” Liam said moving up, grabbing my waist and placing me right on his lap. I felt him hard under me.
“You look so beautiful. So damn beautiful.” Liam said as he turned my head to face him and placed his lips on mine.
My brain wouldn’t function. I pushed Liam back and fell on top of him, never pulling away from our kiss.
Liam was pulling my dress up when I pulled away. Control yourself Rahela, I thought to myself.
That’s a problem I had when I was with Liam. I would forget about everything and get carried away. We were going to be late to Karens house. I got up and fixed my dress. My hair was a mess and my lipstick had smeared. I went into the bathroom and quickly fixed up my makeup.
I grabbed the baby bag, my purse, the chocolate chip cookies and made my way out. Liam, Ren and Dawn were already in there.
The car ride was quiet so I decided to turn on the radio. I switched the station to 103.5 and What Makes You Beautiful was on. I started singing along and so did Liam. It felt like the old days and brought back so many memories. I turned back to Dawn and Ren and they both had a cheeky smile on. They were only two months but I’m pretty sure they knew that was their daddy’s song. Dawn started moving her hands and I couldn’t help but smile and take a few pictures with my iPhone.
We rang the door bell and Geoff answered.
“Happy Easter! You guys look wonderful. Look at these little ones all dressed up!” He said as he gave Liam and I both a hug and carried Ren.
We made our way around the house and said our hellos. Karen was busy in the kitchen with my mom which was so exciting to watch.
“I see you ladies are getting along!” I said as I gave them both a kiss on the cheek.
“Of course we are! I love Karen!” My mom said.
“Gabi and I are actually going to get our nails done on Friday.” Karen smiled.
“That’s great. I’m so glad we are all together celebrating this beautiful holiday.” I said as I took out the chocolate chip cookies and placed them on the table.
Liam popped out of no where, grabbed several cookies and walked out. Him and his cookies! Haha.
A few hours passed and I put Dawn and Ren to sleep in the guest room. I walked passed and just as I was about to go down the stairs, Liam was walking up them. We hadn’t really spoken since the whole make out scene at home.
“Hey where have you been? I was looking for you.” Liam asked.
“I just put the kids to sleep.”
“Can I show you something?” He said as he took my hand and walked into a room.
“This was my room.”
“I noticed that since I seen that Liam sign on the door.” I giggled.
I walked around his room while he sat down on his king size bed.
“I’m glad everyone’s together having a good time. Did you see our moms?”
“Yes! Haha they’re hanging out on Friday!”
“Ella, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Go for it.”
“I miss you. I miss us. I’m tired of acting like strangers. I want us back together.”
“I miss you too, and what we had.”
“Let’s start over. Will you go out with me?”
“Are you asking me on a date Payne?”
“Yes, Saturday night. Me and you only. I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress in something comfortable.” Liam said pulling my hand.
“I think I have to check my schedule because you see, I have two kids!”
“Oh really? So do I! But no worries because Karen can watch them.” Liam said as he winked.
“Look at you, planning all ahead.” I said walking over to him.
“You see, I really like you and I want this night to go perfect.” Liam said as he stood up and pulled me closer to him.
“Well the feelings mutual babe.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him and placed my lips on his.
Liam and I were supposed to be going out on a date today, but last night Dawn & Ren both got very sick. I was UP ALL NIGHT taking care of them. I called Dr. Carmen and she told me to bring them in this morning.
I was on my way to the doctor with the twins and Liam was going to meet us there since he had an interview earlier and he would be running late. Seeing my babies sick broke my heart.
“Rahela? Dr. Carmen is ready for you.” The nurse opened the door, letting us pass through.
I always hated going to the doctor. When I was younger my mom would make me check up appointments and I would try and come up with excuses as to why I couldn’t go. It always worked too which was great.
I hated having to get blood tests and shots and all that icky stuff. Just thinking about it made me cringe.
“Morning Rahela, how are you honey?” Dr. Carmen asked.
“I’m doing good, thank you. Just the little ones are sick and I don’t know why.”
“Oh no! Look at them, they got so big! Their color does look a bit odd. We’ll run some tests and see what’s wrong.”
An hour passed and Dawn and Ren were still not back. I was getting worried. Liam also still wasn’t here, and I really needed him right now. I checked my phone and saw i had an unread text from him.
9:42am My Baby<3
Ella, sorry I’m running late. What’s going on? Are the kids okay? X
I’m still not sure. They’re still running a few tests on them. Are you going to come?
9:46am My Baby<3
I’m sure everything’s okay! No worries babe :) I’m trying my best to make it, but we have a last minute interview at 10 that just came up. I’ll call you after. Ttyl beautiful. Xx
Just as I was about to reply, Dr. Carmen walked into the waiting room. My heart stopped. I was so nervous. Please tell me they’re okay. Please.
“Rahela, can we talk in my office?”
“Yeah, sure is everything okay?” I asked as I stood up and followed Dr. Carmen.
I walked into her office and had a seat. I was so nervous, I could hear my heart beat.
“I have a few questions to ask you. Have you been breast feeding?”
“Yes, ever since the twins were born.”
“Have you ever had a mammogram?”
“No, never. Why?!” I asked confused.
“Well, we did a few tests and it seems like something is wrong with the milk they’ve been drinking. I suggest you schedule an appointment today for a mammogram and also do not breast feed.”
“What do you mean something is wrong with the milk? I thought you said the healthiest thing for a child is to be breast fed? How could something be wrong?” I asked panicking.
“It seems as if there has been some bacteria in the milk that’s making the kids sick. These kind of situations happen, no need to worry. Before you breast feed again, you have to get tested. It’s the safest thing to do for not only your sake, but the kids as well. As for now we will prescribe them some medicine you can pick up from the pharmacy.”
“Dr. Carmen, I have a question. What could this be?”
“I’m sorry sweetheart, but I can’t tell you because I don’t have the answers.”
“Thank you for everything.”
“Of course hun, no worries.”
As soon as I got home, I made an appointment to do a mammogram on Tuesday. This meant I had three days. My mind would be spinning for three days from the possibilities of what this could be. What if I was sick? Stop it Rahela. Be strong. You have two beautiful children and a boyfriend who loves you very much. Everything will be okay, I thought in my head. Those were all lies.
I put the kids back to sleep and decided I needed something to relax myself. A bubble bath sounded great right now.
I quickly texted Liam.
Lam lam, we’re home. Everything’s okay. If I don’t answer you, it’s because I’m taking a bath. See you soon love. Xx
I poured myself a glass of wine, lit up some candles, and made myself in the bath tub. The water was so warm and it felt so good on my body. It made me loosen up a bit and just clear my mind off things. But of course, what Dr. Carmen told me kept replaying in my head.
Thats when the tears started streaming down my face. I sat in the tub for what felt like the longest time pouring my eyes out. I heard a few knocks on the door.
“Ella?” Liam said as he opened the door and peeked through.
“Hey.” I said trying not to look at Liam so he wouldn’t notice that I’ve been crying.
“How are you babe? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the doctors. I really tried my best, honest to God. What did Carmen say is wrong with the kids?” Liam said walking in.
Ugh I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t tell him that something was wrong with my breast milk and that’s what was making the kids sick. I couldn’t tell him that I had made an appointment to do a mammogram. I couldn’t tell him anything. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to worry him.
“I’m good. Everything’s good babe. She said that it was just the weather change and all that, but everything’s great!” I said faking a smile.
Liam bent down next to me, grabbed my face and kissed me softly.
“I’m so glad love. I was worried sick.”
I had breast cancer and I couldn’t do anything about it. My days were black, and it felt like the whole world had dropped on me. I wasn’t strong enough and right now that’s what I needed to be. Strong. Why was this happening to me? Why me God? Why? I just didn’t understand it. I didn’t get what was going on. What was I going to do now? I have twins I have to take care of. I spent two days in bed crying. I didn’t want to see anyone. I wouldn’t even let Liam in. I’ve been in the same clothes for two days. I had gone through two boxes of tissues. Napkins were everywhere. My pillow was soaking with tears. I had no appetite for anything. I didn’t answer any phone calls, in fact I had turned my phone off. Liam had tried coming in so many times, but right now I just needed to be alone. Just me, myself and I.
I was in so much pain but for some reason I wanted to feel more pain. I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror, my eyes were so red and I had bags under them since I hadn’t slept for two days. My eyeliner had smeared everywhere. My hair was a mess. I looked so pale. I pretty much looked like I was dead. That’s how I felt in the inside. I felt dead. I wanted to be dead. I just wanted to crawl in a whole and die. I was so exhausted and weak. I found a razor and was so close to cutting when I saw a picture of Liam, Dawn, Ren & I.
I dropped the razor. What the hell was I doing? I have a family I have to look after and take care of. I hopped in the shower and that’s when I broke down even more. It felt good letting everything out. I heard the bathroom door open and I peeked through the shower curtains. Liam was sitting on the toilet with tears coming out of his beautiful brown eyes.
“I’m sorry Ella. I can’t see you like this. I’m so sorry baby. It hurts me so much seeing you like this. You have to be strong. For Dawn. For Ren. For ME. Please babe.” He said coming over by me and grabbing my face.
I was definitely the luckiest girl ever, hands down. I couldn’t help but smile. I had cancer, but that didn’t mean it was the end of the world. I had people who cared and loved me. I couldn’t see them hurt. I could do this. Everything is going to be okay Rahela, don’t worry I thought in my head.
Next thing I knew, Liam’s lips were on mine and he was in the shower with me. He pushed me against the wall and my hands were all over his hair. His hands were on my legs as he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. Liam stopped kissing me and just continued staring at me.
“Don’t stop. Please. I really need you now Liam.” I said as my hands tightened on his strong arms.
“I don’t want to hurt you babe.”
“You’re not hurting me! You’re hurting me by stopping. Just go Liam! Go!”
He was then inside me. And that’s when my whole world stopped. All the negative thoughts were gone. When I was with Liam, I only thought POSITIVE. That’s what this boy did to me. He drove me crazy.
Today I was starting chemotherapy. I was so nervous, but I had my family all here with me. There was Liam, his parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, my parents, my siblings, my best friend Mandy, my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and some close friends. The boys were here as well which was just great. We were all having a fabulous time joking and I had completely forgot that I was here for Chemotherapy until the Doctor came in the waiting room asking for me. The laughter stopped and everyone quickly stood up.
“I’ll be right there.” I said to the doctor with a half smile.
“Take your time.” She said.
Everyone came up to me giving me hugs and kisses and telling me everything would go great. I hope, I thought in my head. I was about to leave when Liam grabbed my hand and we walked away from everyone else.
“Babe, everything will be okay. Please be strong. Don’t give up! If you need me, just tell the doctor and I’ll be right there. Don’t worry I’ll be right here when you come out. I’m not going anywhere.” He said as he kissed my hands. “You’re beautiful. I love you so much. We love you so much.” He said as he took out a picture from his pocket of Ren, Dawn, himself and I all at the zoo and put it in my hands. I couldn’t help but smile that cheeky smile. Thats when it hit me. I HAD to be strong for them. I was going to get through this. He gave me a kiss on the lips and walked away when I called back..
“Liam, thank you. I love you so much.”
“I love you. Lots.” He said as he winked his eye.
I made my way into the room laughing. He was really, really great.
I sat in the room for a few minutes and the doctor explained to me what Chemo was and the process I had to go through. Chemo was a way to destroy all the bad cancer cells and sometimes they would end up destroying the good and healthy ones as well which could possibly lead to infections and other sicknesses.
“What’s going to happen to me? Am I going to lose my hair?” I asked.
“You see Rahela, each person with cancer reacts differently to chemotherapy and not everyone gets the same side effects so I can’t tell you that.”
I changed into the hospital gown and had a seat on the chair. In the same room next to me was a little girl who also had cancer. She was so young and was wearing a bandana on her head. She had her barbies in her hand and was sitting there smiling and laughing. I didn’t know how she managed to do that, but I had to do the same thing. She looked over at me and waved. I couldn’t help but smile and wave back.
“Are you ready Ms. Tap?” The doctor came by holding a bunch of medicine in her hands a papers.
“Yeah.” I said nervously.
“I know you may be nervous and there’s probably so many emotions going through you right now, but the best thing to do is be strong during Chemo.”
“I will, thank you.” I said as I breathed in a deep breath.
All these drugs were being injected inside me & I felt like there was no strength in me. I got so tired and my eyes slowly started drifting off…